Ten Ways to Stay Connected to Your Teens and Tweens

From a Mom of two teens and a tween

Updated 8/2024

We are deep in the throws of raising teens here with a sophomore and senior in high school. The “baby” is ” 12 so it won’t be long until we have three teens (thoughts and prayers appreciated. ) Though teens have always been a favorite age for me professionally, I’m now deep in the trenches as a mom and it’s not always sunshine and roses around here! I’ve found myself wondering at 5:00 pm if my teens were even home since they tend to hide out in their rooms more and more as they get older. I’m realizing that staying connected will be a challenge and something as a mom I have to be actively committed to. Here is what has worked for us in our home and throughout my years connecting to this age group at camp and school.

1. Build or strengthen your relationship by understanding their passions. What is your teen or tween into? Sports? Music? Dance? Do your research and get in the know! I once had a camper who was all about hockey. Did I care about hockey? Nope! Did I know anything about hockey? Nope! I did my research and I let her teach me. Showing that I care about what she cared about was vital in building our relationship. Find a sporting event to go to together, enjoy music, watch “So You Think You Can Dance” together… I’m listening to a lot of music with my teens currently that in my mind doesn’t even qualify as music but if it gets us talking, it’s worth it.

2. Figure out what their “love language” is! For one of my teens it’s all about her sweet tooth. So for her birthday we invited a small group over and made candy sushi. Not only did this thrill her and her buddies, but we spent days researching, planning and shopping together for this project.

3. Build your own- anything! I find that build your own pizza, our New Year’s chocolate “bar” and the like are novel and interesting enough to get her out of the room and join in the fun. Bonus: these activities work for multiple age levels and are great to get siblings engaged in together.

4. Structure their “household responsibilities” to be interactive. As you may have read in my other blogs or on my Instagram page... find some great blog posts below!

I’ve been constantly tweaking my new household responsibility system in my house. I always pick something for my teen that includes an “interactive” component. Examples: helping to cook dinner, set the table, clear the table. I am always in the kitchen during these tasks so it’s another opportunity to connect and chat.

5. Get to know their friends! My smart hubby reminded me that any opportunity we have to spend time with our kids’ friends and get to know them is a good one! Getting to know their friends has given me great “talking points” when I want to get them to look up from their phones and talk to me!

6. Go on vacation: When my husband and I plan family trips we try to come up with at least one thing each day that each individual child will be excited about whether it's a special ice scream shop or a great beach!

7. Let things revolve around them on occasion. Yes, it’s more automatic sometimes to think about my youngest first when planning family occasions, outings, vacations. I’ve turned this habit around and now my husband and I are actively looking for activities that pique the interest of our oldest.

8. Starbucks. No need to expand on this one too much, they love it, take them there, they will thank you and then get a portrait mode picture of their cup for snap chat.

9. Tag Team. If you are lucky enough to have a wonderful parenting partner like I do, or super involved grandparents, aunts and uncles… Encourage their relationship with all of them. Sometimes I get a bit frustrated or even jealous when my senior will willingly and happily talk politics with my husband but won’t give me the time of day, however, at least she’s connected to an adult that is a positive role model.

10. Keep experimenting. The biggest take away from me is that the best way to be a “good parent” is to keep trying, because what works this week may be useless the next!

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