Executive Functioning Dysfunction Diaries #2-When Your Executive Functioning.. Stops Functioning- What I Did and What You Can Do
It was a typical Tuesday and I was balancing the needs of two businesses and three children. Juggling meeting with clients 1:1 for Therapy or ADHD coaching while using any gaps in my schedule to respond to emails, schedule social media, write blogs, and do laundry (cause there is always, always laundry to do.)
This particular day I found a rare 90-minute gap between clients so I scheduled a very needed physical therapy appointment, as I was still recovering from a broken ankle. As I was going through my exercises my phone started buzzing. An email from a therapy client scrolled across my screen asking for the Zoom link for their session starting in ten minutes. Cue a racing heart and panic.
I quickly looked at my calendar, a color-coded HIPPA-compliant modern marvel. There was no appointment for this client on any calendar, but it did sound familiar. A quick search through old emails found their request for an appointment and my response confirming the time slot was available. Somehow the appointment never made it on my calendar. It was a glitch in my system, a result of human error. My, very human, error.
If you have ADHD or for any reason struggle with executive functioning you may find yourself in this “pickle” at some point or more often than you’d like to admit. So, let me walk you through what I did next after I put my metaphoric “big girl pants” on and asked myself what I would say to an ADHD coaching client who had a similar dilemma.
Here is what I did at that moment and the many moments following:
First, I freaked out, felt awful, called myself a ditz, and got angry at my incompetent ADHD brain. Just being honest here. This still happens.
I didn’t try to talk myself out of the above, I did, however, end the pitty party rather quickly and get to work.
This behavior above is a product of decades of “work” on myself. I find it’s best to feel all the feelings, without dwelling on them when there is work to be done. Some days I can do this relatively seamlessly and other days the anger and shame follow me around like a shadow. On this particular day, it was a mix of both. I was able to put the anger and embarrassment aside enough to come up with a new plan, though it still crept up here and there throughout the day anytime I had a minute of downtime. I did my best to listen to that voice, and to accept it. I also comforted myself with the fact that I was good, actually really good at learning from my mistakes.
I decided that I wanted to prioritize quickly coming up with a short-term fix with the client and later a long-term fix so this didn’t happen again. I “made a meeting” with myself on Friday morning to problem-solve and come up with long-term changes. Now that I had that commitment on the calendar I could get to work on apologizing and pivoting with the client.
My first instinct was to run like hell out of PT. However, I realized that even if I did so and made every single traffic late on the way home, I still couldn’t make it home and log into Zoom by the original appointment time. With that realization in mind, I decided to finish my session. As much as I was in no mood to focus on ankle exercises, I did suspect that any sort of physical activity would help my anxiety and give me the ability to be a better professional for the rest of the day. Therefore punishing myself by not finishing PT wouldn’t be productive. However, I did take a short water break and reached out to my client first.
The first part of my email response to my client genuinely apologized and owned my scheduling error. Then I offered them two other open time slots, one was that day and one was the following day. I also took responsibility by telling them that I would not charge them for the session. I felt this aligned with my client cancelation policy: “Any session that isn’t canceled/rescheduled with at least 24 hours’ notice is charged in full.” I felt it was fair to hold myself to the same policy. They were thrilled to have a free session and understanding of my error.
That Friday I blocked out an hour to look deeply into my administrative processes and figure out how I missed this appointment. I also took this time to be completely honest with myself about a few other client complaints. I noticed I had new clients emailing me asking where their new patient paperwork was, prospective clients leaving voicemails and emails wanting information about my practice that I was struggling to get to, and so on.
I decided to determine the “why” first. Why were my systems no longer working?
Here are the questions I asked:
Were my systems failing since they were not novel anymore and therefore I started subconsciously ignoring them? ie I got so used to my Google Calendar notifications that I can’t seem to read and absorb them anymore.
This above is very common among those of us with ADHD brains. Therefore I often suggest my clients have alternate strategies and systems to toggle back and forth between to keep things “fresh!”
Are my current systems no longer a good fit now that my patient load has doubled in my growing practice?
Were there more things I could create “automation” for using tech? ie. I recently created a page on my website with a link to calendar software integrated with my Google calendar that allows prospective clients to schedule a free 15-minute introductory Zoom with me to discuss therapy or ADHD coaching. My website scheduling technology also integrates with Zoom and automatically sends guest a Zoom link for their introduction and puts the appointment directly on my work calendar. This saved me soooo many back-and-forth scheduling emails and eliminated the chance of me forgetting to create a Zoom link and email it to the prospective client.
What else could I automate? Automated systems remove human error, like the one I made with this client!
I realized at this moment my why was mostly option “b".” While I was beyond thrilled with my business’s growth I also had to acknowledge that as a solopreneur I was struggling to keep up. It was time to revisit some of the tech solutions I had decided against due to cost when my businesses’ were the size.
I also decided to change my clients’ expectations. My voicemail now explains which days calls are returned and gives other options for quicker communication. I also tell new clients that paperwork is only sent out on Mondays and Fridays. This wasn’t necessary when my business was smaller and had many gaps in my schedule on Tuesday-Thursday.
Also, of equal importance was what I didn’t do. I didn’t use misplaced confidence ie stubbornness and continue on the “hamster wheel.” Earlier in my career (and once yesterday…it’s a process) when I had a well thought out system in place and it wasn’t working I would stubbornly solider on doing the same exact thing over and over again even if it wasn’t effective. Similar to a hamster running around that wheel yet going nowhere. Most days I’m able to remind myself of a favorite quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Instead, I jumped off that hamster wheel and tried something new. I also remind myself that my first attempt at fixing this system, may not work or may work a bit better yet still need tweaking.
Wow, I’m exhausted just reliving this whole thing while writing this blog. It certainly was emotional making that one little error. There is a common phenomenon with ADHD’rs where we are extremely sensitive to negative feedback and disappointing people. The ADHD blogosphere, ADHD authors and social media world have coined it as RSD or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I definitely suffer for this affliction. For me, RSD encourages imposter syndrome and catastrophic thinking. While many people in my situation may think“Oh man, I screwed up a client appointment. I should be professional apologize and remedy the situation quickly,” I tend to take it quite differently. My brain thought something more like, “Oh no!!! I screwed up a client appointment. See I was never competent enough to be a business owner. What was I thinking? They will probably drop me as their therapist and tell their friends how incompetent I am. I’ll be out of business in two weeks, and we will go bankrupt.” Yep. Having a neurodivergent brain can be exhausting. It can also be exhilarating, like it is when I can push all that RSD aside, pivot, create solutions, and soldier on for another day as a SUCCESFUL business owner x2, woman with ADHD, Mom of 3, and avoider of the laundry.
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